Snakes on a Bike

You're gonna like this one.

I was out real late Friday seeing Trek (awesome) so I skipped the Saturday group ride. I wound up doing hills in Griffith Park with Robert.

On our way down from the Observatory, we saw this GINORMOUS serpant in the middle of the road. I swear, I think this thing could have swallowed a man whole. Robert and I both let out wimpy "AAAAAHHHHH! Snake!!!!" screams as we rode past it.



But then I stopped and went back. Snakes give me the heebie- jeebies but I couldn't NOT go back and look at it. Robert thought I was crazy, and as it turns out I probably should have just kept on riding.

The snake wasn't moving at all, and it was strange how it was stretched out so straight. We couldn't tell if it was dead or not. Then three Fair Maidens came walking down the road, saw us, and assumed we had slain the beast: "did you kill it? You ran over its head and killed it!"

We assured them we didn't do anything and that we didn't even know if it was dead. Their leader, I'll cal her "Eve", took a closer look and said "yeah, it's dead. Snakes use their tongues to sense what's around them and the tongue isn't moving." Eve then did the unthinkable; she reached down, grabbed the serpant by the tail and gave it a quick tug. What kind of person does that?! The snake didn't budge. Dead.

One of her friends asked if it was a rattlesnake, but Eve said it was a garter snake. I said "that's pretty big for a garter snake but Eve said "oh no, garter snakes can get fuckin' huge." As Robert explained later, "that's when I realized she was a broad and not a lady." (We liked Eve.)

Eve then asked me, "do you think you should move it out of the road so it doesn't startle other people coming down?" I told her "yes, I think it's a great idea for YOU to move it out of the road."

Eve grabbed a 6-inch stick and went to slide the snake off the road. I told her I'd help, but we should use a bigger stick. I was thinking something in the 8-10 foot range. I found a slightly longer stick and started "helping" Eve move the dead snake. Yes, that's me cowering behind her.



So as she's poking the snake, I saw the tongue start to flicker. I don't know how loud I was, but I'm sure I made my point clear when I started yelling "the tongue's moving! It isn't dead! The tongue! The tongue! It's not dead!" And yet, Eve DIDN'T STOP POKING THE SNAKE! What kind of person does that?!

Eventually the snake became sufficiently annoyed and slithered away into the bushes. Eve came up to me, punched me in the arm and said "you're such a girl!"



Most girls wouldn't have gotten off their bike to go back and look at the snake in the first place, so at least I'm a tough girl, right?