Resolution Intrusion

We all know the routine. Every January 1st, millions of people resolve to get in shape. They go on diets, they join gyms... And they're pretty good for a few weeks, maybe a month. But people, it's the second week of February; it's time to abandon your resolutions and just stay home.

The gym was packed tonight. To warm up, I couldn't get on a treadmill, or a bike, or a stairmaster. I had to use some weird split-steppy thing which I never quite got the hang of. As I jiggled my feet up and down I became convinced I was hooked up to some machine in the basement churning butter.

It was hard to find any open machines to use, and people were wandering around everywhere. The worst moment was when I was doing Back Extensions. Normally, this is the only exercise that is actually pleasant: You sit down, lean back, and stretch out. Very nice. Only this time I leaned back and banged my head against the shoulder of the biggest trainer in the gym. Like hitting a freakin brick wall, not to mention embarrassing.

To top it all off, I saw Joe The Trainer working with another client. That two-timing-somna-bitch. It wouldn't have bothered me so much if SHE wasn't lifting more weight than I was. (I don't think that's really true.)

So crowded gyms are bad. I'm not saying you have to give up ALL of your resolutions; you can still diet. And how about trying to save money in the new year? Canceling your gym membership is a great way to start. And remember when you resolved to spend more time with your kids? Well little Jackie & Janey sure are missing Mommy & Daddy while they're hogging up the equipment at the gym.

Be good to yourself in 2009. Stay away from the gym.