Why Must You Torment Me, Jon Cryer?!

I have Jon Cryer issues. Nothing personal against the guy, it's just that some of the obsessive, compulsive, nerdy character traits he portrays hit a little too close to home. (The definitive example is this clip from Two and a Half Men where Alan has a "plan" to get good movie seats. I am totally That Guy. I am Jon Cryer.)

Anyway, I found out that Jon Cryer did the triathlon last year and is doing it again. This means something, although I'm not sure what. Should it be my goal to finish with a quicker time than him, and in a sense, beat myself? Would I feel badly if Jon Cryer beat me? Is there a chance we could cross the finish line together?

Jon Cryer's presence opens up the possiblity for a surreal experience, and I find the Surreal World far more interesting than the one you live in.