IM CDA OCD

This week I've been having an extended Ironman panic attack, and the catalyst was, quite frankly, something ridiculous.

First, the overview: It's less than 20 weeks until Ironman. That's scary all by itself. And I started thinking, "I signed up for this race 7 months ago. What do I have to show for my past 7 months?! Why aren't I in better shape by now?! Why did I waste all that time?! But that's normal stress for me, and wasn't what triggered the attack.

I have a little less than 5 months to prepare, and at this point I need to have a more structured training plan. I have seen plenty of Ironman Training Programs online and I stress out just looking at them. They look like elementary school math exams: 3 x 400. 5 x 8 @ 75% MAX. Maybe I could cut 30-60 minutes off my finishing time if I followed one of these programs, but I just can't do it. It's too much to think about. I do recognize the importance of going through the staircased build phases, and I thought it was time that I laid out a basic training schedule.

Geek that I am, I opened up a spreadsheet and mapped out every day until Ironman, broken down into weeks and phases. I would come up with a target number of hours for each week (based upon guideline I've read about and my own experience). I would have a Build, Peak and Race Phases before the California Half-Ironman in March, then Transition, Build, Peak and Race phases before Coeur d'Alene. All very straightforward.



Now then, here comes the insane part that freaked me out: The Cali 70.3 is on a Saturday. So I counted backwards and filled in all of the weekly workout data, finishing on race day. Then I continued the pattern out through June. But Ironman is on a Sunday. Which means it falls during the following week, and everything else needed to be shifted back a week. I know what you're thinking: IT DOESN'T MATTER! Just have a damn 8-day week at the end and be done with it. I can;t explain it, it just really upset me. This isn't about logic. It's about OCD and fear and the irrational thought that if I can just make the spreadsheet symmetrical and balanced then the fact that all of my training might be spiraling out of control won't matter. I literally spent several hours just reformatting all of the column widths to make the training plan look balanced.

I think I understand the magnitude of an Ironman more than most other Ironman Virgins. I've been to 2 races, I trained with an IronNewbie and watched her finish. So I think I get it. But when I see the training quantified on screen, it's really starting to stress me out. If I can't even make a training spreadsheet, how can I possibly finish the actual race?