Puny Gurly Man

My friend "Dutch" and I went shopping for wetsuits. We went to the store and the salesman was looking us up and down, sizing us up. He first says to me "hmmmm... I'm not sure what we're going to do with you." He then turns to Dutch and noticing his more, shall we say "sophisticated physique", says "now as for you, YOU we can put in the Men's 'Ironman'" and hands him a suit. He turns back to me and says "why don't you try this one... it's a unisex."

Unisex.

These things are supposed to be form-fitting, and my bodytype is UNISEX?!! He might as well have said "go over there and look in the little girl's section".

We tried on our respective superhero suits: Dutch was Wolverine and I was Jean Gray. His suit fit perfectly but I'm too skinny in some places and too fat in others and it just wasn't working. I tried on a second suit which I could hardly breathe in and the salesman says "no, that suit's way too big for you." Great.

I will never be a superhero. Stupid Dutch.